I feel like God and I are having a huge contest to see who can be the most stubborn.
There are moments — or days, or years — or decades…. where I say, “God, I want this.”
And God’s response is. Nothing.
The kind of silence that is anything but comfortable.
The kind of silence where you’re wondering if He’s ignoring you or if He just honestly doesn’t have anything to say.
And how do you interpret this silence?
Does it mean that God doesn’t care what you do?
Does it mean that God doesn’t want you to have the thing you long for so desperately?
What exactly does silence mean?
Part of me wants to take the bull by the horns.
Another part of me is more passive and timid and doesn’t want to rock the boat.
Still another part is terrified — terrified of what might happen if I do something, yet just as terrified of what might happen if I don’t.
Part of me wants to march into God’s office and say, “I’ve got this blueprint: 5 easy steps to make my life perfect. Let’s get on it.” My 5 easy steps would really not take all that much effort. Just tweak a few things here and there and you’re done. Honestly, it wouldn’t even amount to 5 steps. It would be more like 3.
So why is it so difficult? Why can’t I get a little help here? Why this never-ending struggle? People I used to talk to a lot told me that if you “let go and let God” things will just fall into place.
They said that if you surrender to God’s plan, you’ll be so much happier.
They said lots of things.
And here I am. Still in the same position I was back when I believed what they told me.
I guess maybe the answer is somewhere in the middle. The happy medium. The path of compromise.
God’s not going to drop everything into my lap and He’s going to ask me to take an interest in the process of getting my life where I want it to be.
Galatians 5 talks about the difference between walking in the Spirit and wallowing in the things of the flesh. I think the answer to my dilemma is to seek God and desire to walk in the Spirit and then He will begin to show me which moves to make and how to get the things I want.
In other words, as long as I’m thinking in terms of “this is what I want and I’m going to do what I can to get it,” it’s going to remain a contest to see who can be more stubborn. Life will be sadly silent.