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30 Things, 4 Years Later: Day 9

18 Apr

30 Things to Accomplish in My 30s:
#9. Be involved in music to the extent that I don’t get freaked out about singing solos anymore.

I sing solos all the time.

I sing about Green Speckled Frogs.
And T-H-E-Y spells “they,” T-H-E-Y spells “they”….
An Octopus Swam in the Ocean…..
It was an Itsy-Bitsy Teeny-Weeny Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini….
Write Your Name at the Top of the Page….
The Wheels on the Bus go Round and Round….
The Sun will come out Tomorrow!

You get the picture.

“Mari! Can you sing me a song about Jesus? And then sing Jingle Bells?”

I spend a lot of time with 6 year olds.

As far as actual performances are concerned….

That chapter in my story is gone and done.

Several years ago, I sang on the church worship team almost every Sunday. I was in the choir in college. I sang at funerals and weddings.

After being cruelly criticized by people who said they were my friends, I developed a devilish case of anxiety. I didn’t want people to look at me. I didn’t want people to hear me. I just wanted to hide.

I moved away from that environment and I thought I could maybe get back into it later — hence this goal.

I’ve thought on it a lot the past few years and I’ve concluded that there were some beautiful moments in music for me. I learned a lot. I developed a lot of friendships. I had a lot of fun.

But that part of my life is done.

I have no desire to be in front of people for any reason. My singing voice is gone. It’s just not something I’m good at anymore — and it’s not something I enjoy or want to do anymore.

So, I’ll stick to singing solos about spelling and green frogs and octopi and the wheels on the bus to audiences of 6 year olds. They seem to enjoy it more than grown-ups do anyway. It’s a win for everybody.

And on that note….

You don’t have to try so hard
You don’t have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don’t have to change a single thing
You don’t have to try, try, try, try
You don’t have to try, try, try, try
You don’t have to try, try, try, try
You don’t have to try
You don’t have to try
(Colbie Caillat, Try)
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Posted by on April 18, 2016 in 30 Things

 

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