Some Days You Shouldn’t Wear Makeup

10 May

Today was one of those days.
My friends have been lovely today.
I’ve had many messages and greetings.
But I sat at my counselor’s office and bawled for an hour.
I got all dolled up. I actually made an effort to look pretty today. I don’t do that often anymore. No one really cares — and I care less than anybody about it, so what difference does it make?
I’m old.
I’m just old.
I cried because all my friends are getting engaged or having babies.
And I’m 34 years old.
And men like to play with me.
You’re nice.
Let’s have coffee.
You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met.
But it doesn’t get any further than that — even after having coffee regularly for a year.
I don’t even like coffee!

It doesn’t get any further than that, even after I’ve introduced them to family.
It doesn’t get any further than that, even though I spend more time and effort at it than I probably should.
They always say
It’s not you, it’s me.
But I have a girlfriend already….
I’m not interested.
What do I have to do?
What do I have to do?
After bawling in the counselor’s office, I talked to my dear friend who soothed me with hugs and no one should cry on their birthday! She soothed me with meatloaf and home made real French silk pie.
She soothed me with these words:
If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I’d probably be an alcoholic.
Thank you.
It’s so rare for people to actually validate how I feel about this.
I laughed a little bit.
I ate meatloaf.
I ate pie.
I put her sweet 3-year olds in jammies and watched Lilo and Stitch with them for a while. And then I went home and cried some more.
Because my ovaries are slowly dying, just like every other woman’s ovaries die as they get older. Singleness should be considered a form of infertility.
It’s hopeless.
It feels like not even God cares about what I need.

Leave a comment

Posted by on May 10, 2016 in Rants


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Sharing my learnings of being a mother

Jjmum14's Blog

Just another site

Mindy Peltier

In the Write Moment


Stretching out to touch His hem with 6 kids in tow:)

Just a few things I've been thinking about....

%d bloggers like this: