Psalm 22

My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me? Why  are  You  so far from helping Me, And  from the words of My groaning? O My God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not hear; And in the night season, and am not silent. ~Psalm 22:1-2

Not long ago, whenever I read a mournful psalm, such as this one, I would be reminded of all the times that I felt like even God had turned away from me.

And there were a lot of those memories.

I’d read the psalm and weep as the feelings of abandonment and rejection washed over me.

But something has happened in the past several weeks.

Somehow…. at some point in recent history, this has ceased to be the case.

We read Psalm 22 in church on Sunday and I felt nothing but joy. Because even at the darkest time in my personal history, I know that I wasn’t actually abandoned.

The pain of abandonment and rejection has dissipated.

And even when nothing goes right, I’m still ok. Because I’m tucked safely in a little corner of His hand and He’s watching over me with care.

 

People Who Matter

“Be who you are and say what you mean. Because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

You find out (in a hurry!) who really matters and who really doesn’t when you decide it’s time to stop being what other people think you should be and start being you.

Figuring out who matters and who doesn’t is so freeing.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend about realizing — just yesterday! — that I had been living for several months in a place where nobody cares.

I’m not saying that no one cares about me. I’m saying that no one cares about what I do.

I’m surrounded by people who matter.

And I’m surprisingly not surrounded by people who don’t.

In other words, my whole world is surprisingly chill right now.

And it’s awesome.

I went to church yesterday, and…. no one cared that I didn’t raise my hands in worship! No one cared that I didn’t clap my hands. No one cared that I wore jeans. No one jabbed me in the ribs and told me to “dance, dammit!” (because you don’t love Jesus if you refuse to dance like David danced.) No one told me to yell and then heaped on the guilt when I didn’t. No one said I had to pray in the Spirit whether I wanted to or not. No one watched me to see that I behaved exactly like I was supposed to.

And no one cared.

After church, I bought a used violin. Because I wanted to. (I’ve always wanted to learn violin but never had a chance til now.)

And nobody cared. I didn’t have to ask permission from the pastor (or anybody else, for that matter) because…. the pastor doesn’t care. (And I think he realizes that it’s none of his dang business.) I didn’t have to ask the pastor if I was “called” to play violin — because it’s ok to do something simply because you want to. I didn’t have to ask for permission to spend the money. Because the pastor doesn’t care.

I can do whatever I dang please and…. nobody…. cares….

It’s amazing.

I didn’t read my Bible yesterday and even forgot to bring it to church. And nobody cares.

I had coffee with a man. We talked at length about deep things. Some dark things. Some personal things. And nobody cares. No one has tried to sabotage the friendship and no one has tried to tell me that it’s impossible for a man and a woman to have coffee without somehow ending up between the sheets in a fit of passion.

Oh, yes, the people around here are so chill.

So chill, in fact, that no one cares that I’m buying a house. They’ve even volunteered to help me move.

And so chill…. so chill that when I told my favorite 6-year old that I’ve started the process to become a foster parent, she said, “you’re going to need boy toys and girl toys. Can I bring you some toys I don’t play with anymore?”

I’m so, so incredibly blessed in this place.